Practicing calm

Go to bed at 9pm toss and turn. Get up and watch a film that finishes at 1.00am. Woke on the alarm at 4.00am brush my teeth jump on my bike and cycle to work. Refreshing shower clean uniform and a cup of tea. I’m a couple of hours in to work today and I’ve had a nice long weekend off work.

Yesterday I went on gumtree which is the UK equivalent of Craigslist. I bought a wii fit because I mentioned before I want to take off a few pounds. I’ve been very careful with my sobriety from the start and like I say I’ve not gained anything but I’ve not lost either. I’ve eaten crap and to be honest I feel like it a lot of the time. Day 67 last time I quit was filled with sun life and energy and these passed few days I’ve feel tired lethargic and slightly ill.

Having suffered with a root canal problem in one of my teeth which should have been fixed today I have now found the appointment has been moved to the end of June. Good ol’ NHS. I’ve been on codiene based painkillers which to be fair make me feel great but also cause a huge amount of side effects. One being lethargy right through to the next day as well. When that’s amplified everyday the results are not energetic.
Suffice to say exercise has not been the top of my todo list. Instead I find myself in vicious circle, one not dissimilar to my recent alcohol problems. Instead of emotional stress I have physical stress and instead of alcohol I have codeine. So I have chosen to change to ibuprofen only when needed and am off to see the doctor ASAP.

You see one of my main aims from abstinence of alcohol is to look and feel better and right now I don’t. Working with the public means I watch many a wide assed mofo waddling to work with a pastry and a coffee. I don’t want to be that person, and to become one in today’s society seems not an option but mandatory. A major frustration in my life is watching the concentration of bullshit advertisements moving the same ill researched scientifically proven data proclaiming the next ‘recently discovered’ health food or diet technique. One that will quell the devil in your thunder thighs. The next best thing is always round the corner. Always the same. Major results from little or no input. I know life doesn’t work that way and I hate that advertisers are still able to ‘push that shit’ on the unsuspecting public. I’m no expert but I know that a yogurt won’t make me skinny. Maybe only eating that yogurt and nothing else will help but still….. Whatever!

My other large and quite sinister problem is my over reliance on an electric cigarette. From an onlookers point of view I feel that it must somehow be better for me than actual cigarettes but when I use it day in and day out I do notice that I still feel like a smoker. If my battery dies I panic and if I leave the house without it I have to go back home or buy cigarettes instead. The fact this never happens means I am focusing time and energy on making sure I always have supplies. On my last 100 days of sobriety I didn’t have to do this because I didn’t smoke or vape at all.

Now I’m guessing anybody reading this would say that clearly my weight and smoking addiction is causing me stress. Darn tooting right it is. The obvious answer being, eat healthy, exercise and quit smoking you damn fool. Well I know you’re right and I know I’m right but the whole reason I wrote this blog in the first place is because I knew that was the answer. My point being is every now and again I read a success story and I think yeah I can do that, it’s a piece of piss. I’ll do it tomorrow only three days later to be sitting smoking drinking and inhaling ice cream because without proper planning I’ve come to realise that being an aggressive dick doesn’t get you anywhere.

Which is why after careful structure I still have two weeks to plan my one week of ball breaking detoxification. I now have a wii fit a vegetable and fruit juicer, a racing bike, and a caravan and I’m hoping a nice bit of spring weather to kick the shiz out of all of my addictions.

I have a netflix subscription and a fistful of dollar I can use to obliterate the menace that maddens my soul. One week on Tuesday I will be ready to open a can of whoop ass on myself and come back home ready to start my happy sobriety. By then I’ll have two weeks before my 100 days is up but I’m pretty sure I’m going to hang an extension on it. After all why am I trying to make my life better if at the end of these 100 days I’m just going to make it worse again.

I feel a new pledge coming on.
Here’s to 67 days where I’m practising the art of staying calm and carrying on.

The cleanse is over back to the sobriety

So the five days of just drinking freshly squeezed juice is over.
I weighed in at 179.2lbs which is a drop of 4.8lbs in the five days. I feel like if I can stay on track then it has been a worthwhile kick start to my weight loss journey. I don’t have too far to go but it’s nice to have a helping hand to give you confidence and direction.
My skin has definitely improved. Cleaner and with a certain shine to it. I’m really pleased but I have to say it has been a challenge I wouldn’t like to have to complete too frequently. This morning I started the day with a juice and I’m out for a meal this evening. I’m planning ahead for the next few days so I don’t go putting that weight straight back on. My clothes fit better and I’m definitely pleased with the overall results. I want to lose about 6-10 more lbs to reach my goal of 170lbs or there abouts.

So I can now digress back to my sobriety. Today is day 75 so I am three quarters of the way there. It’s strange but I feel like I’m getting so close when actually I have almost a month to go. It’s definitely a period of time which has helped me readjust. It’s long enough to allow yourself time to think about your old drinking habits and whether you will be able to change how you handle situations in future. I’m still not sure which way I will sway. A lot has happened in the past 75 days and I have a lot coming up in the next 25.

There’s not much else to report but ‘being sober’ has become so much a part of my life now I don’t seem to notice it so much. I haven’t been out as much but I have saved a lot of money and bought a lot of nice things. So lets see how the next few weeks go.

Hope everyone who reads this is well.

Cigarettes and Alcohol.

So today I thought I wold pop a blog post in because its day 70 of my quit smoking. The last time I ever succeeded for a while I lasted 69 days so I’ve just smashed a mini record. Of course I hope to continue for the rest of my life. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about smoking or having a cigarette and I can put that down mainly to my sobriety. I only thought I enjoyed smoking when I was drunk so the only time I missed them was when I was drunk.

Now tomorrow is day 60 of no alcohol so I’m only a couple of days off two clear months. Out of 12 I’m pretty impressed. Still a fair way to go till my 100 days are up but still I’m on a roll.
I’m getting by day to day now pretty much like everyone else does. I think about drinking a lot, I’m not struggling to not drink. That has just become a thing that I don’t do anymore. I still haven’t decided on the forever status and if you’d ask me right now I’d be on double jack and coke quicker than you can say whiskey. I have glorified my list of pros which sometimes feel like episodes of amazeballsness but other times I think meh I can save money and still drink. I’m not convinced by the overwhelming beauty of sobriety but maybe I haven’t found it yet. I try to keep my mind open but sometimes I want to think I know everything there is to know. I guess I could say I’m still getting to grips with the new me. But as others have said, it is a permanent learning curve. I’m ready for that but I’m one of those people who like Apple Macs over Linux, they both do the same thing but ones pre packed and user friendly and the other is an experience that requires learning and knowledge. I want a pre packed user friendly sobriety. I’d like a list of everything that is going to happen and a nice big finish line with a flag that says you’re on your final lap, keep going. I want to know that I’m doing the right thing and that every step is in the right direction that will lead you closer to my goals.

I think underneath it all I know all of these things deep down, but maybe it’d be nice to have it reaffirmed in a nice sealed enveloped emblazoned with a wax seal for good measure.
I’m 59 days sober 70 days smober and I’m still riding the learning curve of life.