Day four and five

Well i’m now on the last day of the ‘cleanse’ and it hasn’t been an easy ride. 

The points which made it hard were the fact that i work shifts and the past two days I have been getting up at 4am and trying to hold out for the first juice till 10am which is not a good idea. It made me very hungry and yesterday i had another emergency avocado although my juice later in the day called for an avocado so i just left it out then. 

im sitting here drinking my first juice of four on the last day. It has carrots apples beetroots and blackberries in it and its not the most satisfying drink but hey ho. 

I have weighed myself each day and today I was 12st 11.2 (179.2lbs) which is great I may even be able to get down to 12st 10 tomorrow and then i will be back on solid foods.

Advice from the program after the five days is to stick to drinking juice in the morning and having sort of blended soups and juices through the day. I am out in the evening tomorrow for a meal but I already know they do a Waldorf salad which has my name on it. 

I think i will do one more post about it later on to sum up my overall opinion of the plan. For now I can definitely see my skin is clearer, a sort of little shine to it. My eyes are nice and white and bright which they have been since I stopped drinking.  I am not tired but I still feel a little weak, I think the shifts have messed up my sleep patterns which is probably the reason for that. I have a big day with exams tomorrow so a good night sleep and a healthy breakfast will get me ready I hope.

I would recommend anyone to try it. If you work normal days then this totally attainable Monday to Friday which not a lot of preparation. I chose Jason Vales plan over the Fat Sick and Nearly dead one only because he was English and the juicer and vegetables and fruit were all spelt out in the vernacular. Not that its that difficult but it seemed more straight forward. 

So far I have lost 4.8lbs and the plan is 5lbs in 5 days so right on the mark there. Though I’m not bounding with energy just yet I do feel like I’ve completed a mini challenge or I will have done by this evening.

Still sobering along too. Im on day 74 now i believe. Only 26 days to go

Day two and three

So it’s now 6pm moving towards the end of day 3 of 5 days juice fasting. It is somewhat of a hellish challenge but I suppose it depends on your attitude and ability to deal with different mental and physical emotions.

The thing I notice most is weakness. Not necessarily tiredness, but a weakness in my arms and legs and a general loss of endurance and a small increase in fatigue. Running up stairs makes me ‘feel’ like I’ve worked for it. I’m still cycling to work but some how this is fine I don’t notice the tiredness there. I’m drinking a lot of peppermint tea but tomorrow I’m going to switch the tea to just water and try and keep super hydrated as I know that might be the issue here.
Towards the end of yesterday at about 8.30pm I was already in bed but I couldn’t sleep as I had a rumbling stomach and a head ache. You are allowed one hunger SOS each day so I chose to use mine right then. I had an avocado with lemon juice and crack black pepper. 15 minutes later everything was fine and I was drifting off to sleep.
One thing I have noticed straight away even after only 3 days is that I feel lighter than ever. I’ve lost 2.6lbs so far (mostly probably water weight) and my face has definitely lost some puffiness. I have some patchy coloured skin which I’m hoping will brighten up a bit more too. Clothes feel a lot more comfortable and even the tighter clothes feel better as I’m not full of food.

It’s a very testing experience and if I hadn’t bought all the food I advance then I may have quit.
Stopping smoking and drinking alcohol is a breeze in comparison. The mind is a powerful thing, you can tell it that you don’t need poisons and it will help to repair itself, but if you try and tell it that it doesn’t need food it will literally kick you in the balls. I’m just drinking juice 3 of 4 at the moment because I went to bed at two and only woke up half hour ago. I have to get up again tomorrow morning at 4.20am or work so it won’t be long before I head back upstairs.

The fast coach says that day four I’m expecting to bounce round the room on a super energy high. If you told me that earlier I would have snorted in your face but I will wait and see. It would be nice because I have a hard day at work tomorrow.

Alcohol wise, I’m not really sure what t say, I’m just strutting down this sober road, problem free, waiting for day 100 to come along and give me a big kiss.

Hope all you guys are well.

Day one of the cleanse

So I said I would post for each day and I am now at the end of Day one of my Juice ‘cleanse’.
I’m going to unpack the name cleanse as it’s really just a way of saying ‘packed full of nutrients but really low calorie 5 day challenge’ though it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

First off it’s nice and simple, 4 juices per day along with the most amazing ginger shot in the morning (1cm ginger and half and apple juiced in a shot glass) blew my head off so I had two.
Then the first and last juice are the same and the two during the day are the same meaning you can prepare them n the morning and store them in the fridge.

It was simple enough, but, as always I am a shift worker so I knew I would be out till midnight. I started my first juice at 10am second at 1pm third at 4pm and final one at 7pm. With five more hours of work i took an emergency banana which is permitted but I didn’t bother with it. I’m now home in bed with a glass of hot water and lemon (recommended). I also drank a lot of peppermint tea which is allowed too.

Here’s what I found.
The first few hours of the day were exciting. Planning the juices and feeling ready for the challenge. Then about half an hour before my second juice I felt a pang of hunger. I relieve it with the next juice. By about 2.45pm I felt very tired so I went back to bed for an hour before work at 4.30pm. At 3.50 I got up and had my next juice and cycled to work as usual. I felt absolutely normal right up till about 6.30 when I got a bit tired again. After my last juice I felt good again but by 8.30pm I was talking to a friend on the phone about it and I think what got to me most was no actual food was available. I could seriously smell food a mile away and everything smelt delicious. I kept getting little sharp pangs of want for food. It was exactly like when I quit smoking. A little pang which fills you with disappointment because you know you’re not doing that at the moment.

So yeah I coped through day 1 and I’m ready to sleep now and looking forward to tomorrow’s juices as they contain beet root?! Random I know. Will write again. Btw weight started at 182lbs.

A lovely weekend

So this weekend I’ve been away. I think I’ve mentioned it before but I am in a job where I get 5 days off together every 3 weeks. Sometimes I work them for overtime and sometimes I relax. Well this weekend I am on working the Tuesday so I’ve been away in our little 2nd home down in Essex by the sea.

There is a little railway line that runs from Colchester out to a place called Walton-on-the-Naze. Some of the train stops sound very quaint. Frinton-on-sea, Thorpe-le-soken, and my nearest one is called Great Bentley. As I’ve been using to cycle quite a lot I though I would head out each day, I didn’t go Friday as we had a day trip to London. Actually I need to insert this photo because I have become a tea fiend and have now found the nicest little tea shop,

So our trip to London was fun, we has some nice food, walked past ‘The Ivy’ which is the posh restaurant where all the celebrities go. Mooched around Covent Gardens Trafalgar Square and Big Ben, my name is Ben BTW. It was a fun day and we were exhausted by the end of it.

Saturday I got Dave to drop me off all the way out by Walton and I cycled back, 15.7 miles, the wind from the coast blew in the wrong direction all the way home but It’s a great feeling accomplishing a little goal. I still had some energy left too.

Sunday morning I decided to cycle all the way there and then catch the train back. I managed it but I forgot it was Sunday and there were train alterations and it took me a bit longer. That was 15.7 miles there and then 5.3 miles back from the train station to home. I did the same thing this morning and now my legs feel like they are going to drop off. I am pleased though. After the long cycle this is the view from the train station out over the sea

So I have had an energetic weekend. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol. I feel pretty good and I still have the rest if the day to myself. I am 65 days sober. That reminds me. I’d better message Belle.

Fortune, favour and setbacks?

Ok I notice overall I have blogged a very rose tinted view of my sobriety so far. I’ve hit two months today (61 days) so I though I’d google the hell out the topic ‘2 months sober’. It got me across a load of incredibly well written pieces about how crap people still felt and how much they missed drinking at weekends. One even mentioned upping and leaving a family to go somewhere to drink all their problems away.

I had a sudden rush of fear and trepidation. Is this what comes next……? Then I realised that I was reading the Internet, duh! Not everything is how it seems online. It’s something I have come to learn. A lot of the time when looking for information, the internet can confuse you even more the longer you look for stuff. A lot of the time I guess you can weigh up the evidence and make a confident decision. Here’s the thing though. I really wanted my 100 days to go well. I started with a great feeling because I knew there was a better place. I really felt like if I stopped then everywhere that was covered in sh*t would suddenly start growing roses. In all honesty that hasn’t happened. So because of what I have read today I wanted to post a few bad items I have discovered from being sober. I don’t want people to think that every morning I wake to the sound of angels singing only to spend hours pirouetting through the day like a river dancer on acid.

1. If you think that social situations are awkward then they get a little bit worse. They do get better again but the initial telling people that you have stopped becomes a broken record and the retaliation an unwelcome repeat. I handled this well because I was determined not to be a bore. I fought hard to remain my silly self and somewhat succeeded which really confused the hell out of my friends, most of whom expected me to fall at the first hurdle. It wasn’t super easy though. I had to throw myself out there like an inexperienced swimmer in deep waters, so it was kind of scary. It was also kind of exciting like the nervous anxiety you get from waiting to ride roller coasters. So plan ahead, or the awkwardness may become a depressing memory of your first sober social encounter.

2. Health and weight loss seem to have missed me out completely! (Not completely but….meh!)
For someone who had quit smoking and stopped drinking I expected in my first week to have lost 4 pounds and to have developed the ability to breath underwater. The shocking truth as anybody would have told me, had I listened is that these things take time time time. I am an eager beaver and wanted to jump straight into the last week of rehabilitation. I wanted to be sipping mango and kale smoothies on a sunbed in Hawaii, a few days from coming home after transforming my life. All of this on day two….hmmm. So yeah patience is a virtue, but time is a b*tch.

3. Next up is the status of social pariah. I have done well because I think my friends are pretty awesome but there is always one who want to put you right down amongst the rats. The one who wants to laugh because you can’t handle beer, the one who spends all night trying to make you drink why simultaneously mocking at your inability to ‘join in’…. Fortunately those ‘w*nkesr’ Are few and far between and I haven’t seen mine again nor will I for a while, but it makes you choose which friends you hang around with.

So what else can I drag up in this doom and gloom post?
4.It’s easy to forget how much or an arse/annoyance/alcoholic you were before you stopped drinking. The extra money in your pocket, the extra miles you can actually run, the extra hours you have wide awake and coherent. All of these things don’t remind you how far you have come, instead they blind you to the facts, and redirect you to the longing for that missing buzz. Now I am on this. I am owning this 100 days, whether it kills me or takes me even closer to the edge. I am doing this because it is in my DNA to fail and give up so I want to complete this so much. I know in my mind that I am going to. It is taking up a lot of my concentration and I know there is still time for the neuro synapse thingys in my brain to re-align so I will wait it out patiently. Things can only get better right? Every time I mentally ask myself would I drink on day 100 the answer roughly 7 times out of 10 is yes, I would.
I hope I will learn more before my 100 days is up. The more I think about it the more I am intrigued to see what 200 days feels like so who knows where this might go.

So to clarify because like I said even though there are a few bits of crap to wade through. It IS all worth it, especially when I look at my bank account. Which I do on a regular basis now just because I can’t get over the fact there is still money in it. I definitely have a good time when I go out and I feel like I still fit in even without the poison, I get to drive home too, so I fall asleep in a bed for the recommended time suggested by scientists, (sounds like a riot doesn’t it?). The second paragraph talks about weight loss and health, and now after two months I can confirm I have lost about 4 or 5 pounds and I now cycle to and from work almost everyday. This is 10 miles a day, I am enjoying it too. It’s becoming easier and so I guess I’m improving. Just remember it takes time time time. The social pariah status is all decided by a small amount of people and if you’re lucky enough to have some good friends then hopefully you won’t encounter any of the b*stards who want to rain on your parade. As for the last paragraph I have to relate to my own blog, it takes time to readjust and there are stages you will go through. If you’re new to sobriety and you can relate to any of this then I hope it helps to know that 90% of the time I’m riding the crest of a wave and the moment I crash and burn I’m still nice and sober so I can pick myself up and dust myself off, climb back on the board and reach the top again. The biggest thing I have learnt is that it all lies up there in your mind. The ability to enjoy life sober or drunk is all up there in your synapses and it is you that decides what side of bed you get out of in the morning. Don’t always rely on other people to tell you how you will feel and always take other people’s journey with a pinch of salt, we are all individual. You are the master of you own destiny and if you smile the whole world will smile back, I promise. Good luck to all of you.

Cigarettes and Alcohol.

So today I thought I wold pop a blog post in because its day 70 of my quit smoking. The last time I ever succeeded for a while I lasted 69 days so I’ve just smashed a mini record. Of course I hope to continue for the rest of my life. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about smoking or having a cigarette and I can put that down mainly to my sobriety. I only thought I enjoyed smoking when I was drunk so the only time I missed them was when I was drunk.

Now tomorrow is day 60 of no alcohol so I’m only a couple of days off two clear months. Out of 12 I’m pretty impressed. Still a fair way to go till my 100 days are up but still I’m on a roll.
I’m getting by day to day now pretty much like everyone else does. I think about drinking a lot, I’m not struggling to not drink. That has just become a thing that I don’t do anymore. I still haven’t decided on the forever status and if you’d ask me right now I’d be on double jack and coke quicker than you can say whiskey. I have glorified my list of pros which sometimes feel like episodes of amazeballsness but other times I think meh I can save money and still drink. I’m not convinced by the overwhelming beauty of sobriety but maybe I haven’t found it yet. I try to keep my mind open but sometimes I want to think I know everything there is to know. I guess I could say I’m still getting to grips with the new me. But as others have said, it is a permanent learning curve. I’m ready for that but I’m one of those people who like Apple Macs over Linux, they both do the same thing but ones pre packed and user friendly and the other is an experience that requires learning and knowledge. I want a pre packed user friendly sobriety. I’d like a list of everything that is going to happen and a nice big finish line with a flag that says you’re on your final lap, keep going. I want to know that I’m doing the right thing and that every step is in the right direction that will lead you closer to my goals.

I think underneath it all I know all of these things deep down, but maybe it’d be nice to have it reaffirmed in a nice sealed enveloped emblazoned with a wax seal for good measure.
I’m 59 days sober 70 days smober and I’m still riding the learning curve of life.

Remembering to be thankful

So I’ve had a few hit and miss days. I haven’t succumbed to intoxication but I’ve found myself fantasising about being drunk. Wow, that’s a strange feeling. I sat at a bar yesterday waiting to go in to a theatre to see The Lion King which I’ve been looking forward to for a while. It was a nice day, I had been off work and out for lunch with friends. We went to a bar I really like that do nice coffees for me and nice beer for Dave. It didn’t strike me out of the blue but I sort of blurted out that I really fancied a double Jack Daniels and coke with a slice of lime. Then the moment just sat there and really frustrated me. I haven’t had a drink for 55 days and I’d been doing fine but then suddenly I was imagining the taste and the coolness and the light headedness later on. It wasn’t über painful but it was the first time I’d been infatuated by poison. The rest of the evening was great the performance was great and the journey home was a breeze. I just took it personally as a mini failure to be strong which is of course complete nonsense. Perfectly natural and to be expected from an abstainer like me. After a good night sleep and a refreshing shower the world became clear again and I take another look from a different angle. I’ve done so well so far and I’m still doing so well so I thought I’d note a few things that have changed for the better since quitting.

1. The abundance of money was the first thing I noticed.
2. My skin isn’t as dry and doesn’t need moisturiser, though it is the summer so hard to tell.
3. My eyes are bright white and I can wear contact lenses for longer periods
4. My tiny amounts of psoriasis are more under control. They don’t flare like they used to, more they ebb a little.
5. I need less sleep? Or I can function well on less sleep? One of these, this is also to do with quitting smoking if I remember rightly
6. I have managed to stay off cigarettes which I feel is even more important than alcohol for me.
7. I feel ready for exercise on any day and have even seen some improvement in my endurance with cycling.
8. I have managed for the first time to step outside of my life and look in to see what needs changing. See what’s working and what’s causing stress. I’ve been able to talk more openly and take criticism with grace.

I am unsure what I will do after 100 days of sobriety. Different people have made comments and I know it is ultimately my decision but here’s the thing. I feel that right now is good and in 100 days it might be different. A little bit of Belle philosophy here but I’m living for these days and weeks and not the ones of the future or past. Who knows I might inhale 20 vodkas next weekend. I’m not planning too but you never know. Right now if you asked me what I’d do on day one hundred it would be to have a giant Jack Daniels and coke and then another one. If you ask me next week I might say lemonade. I’m grateful for all the good things I have found with sobriety and for that reason I want to stay this way, I don’t want to make any promises for the future but I signed up for 100 days so I’ll do it. What happens afterwards is anybody’s guess. Big smile and sigh! 😀

Anger

I’m halfway on the 100 day challenge. It’s a good sign. At 11pm tonight it will be 50 days since my last bit of alcohol. It was white wine I believe. I know that when reading someone else’s blog 50 days worth of writing can be completed in about an hour. It’s so much more of a journey. So much more I will talk about in later posts.

The main points are that I’m pleased and proud to have got this far. In all honesty I usually fail, not because I can’t succeed, but a mixture of weakening to peer pressure and having to bow down to social expectations. This time I have fought valiantly. I have blushed through the inappropriate comments, and held my tongue through the veil of lies spouted from pretentious wine connoisseurs. The red-wine-is-good-for-you brigade that are always pissed before 9pm. Everyone who tells you how good alcohol is, is usually in some way addicted to the stuff themselves. Everyone who tells you that you are less fun without alcohol are just upset because they’ve no idea how to be fun without alcohol themselves. Anyone who tells you you are worse off because you’ve stopped drinking needs to seriously step back and reassess their own life. I’ve met one already but thank goodness for the Internet’s anonymity.
In a brief sweeping generalisation my first 50 days can be categorised into these feelings. At the beginning it was nice and easy, fresh willpower, the feeling of newness and the focus of a challenge, that waned after about 3 or 4 weeks. Then my first 30 days was a breakthrough a sort of momentous mini occasion. Life became boringly plain after that. Right up to hitting 42 days and having to check because I’d half forgotten/stopped counting and checking every 5 minutes. Today is day 50 and I am pleased and proud like I said and I look forward to the second half but with a small amount of bittersweet disappointment. Perhaps it’s because I’m having a bad day, perhaps it’s not supposed to be fireworks and parades for every little achievement. I just half expected more. Anyway bring on the next section…..Anger?

Ever since quitting I seem to struggle with rage when things go wrong. It may be because I quit smoking and drinking at pretty much the same time but when I do get angry I really get mad and though its only for a short while I wish it didn’t feel so stomach churningly violent. Anyway it has spoiled my super duper day 50 so far and I am now at work till midnight. I think I may treat myself to something tasty later to cheer myself up. I just wondered if anyone else has had their emotions accelerate into overdrive? Any thoughts on the matter? Or have I just been exposed to too much radiation?….. To quote Bruce Banner “you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”

I’m glad I’ve made it this far but I think day 51 is going to be even better. Day 100 is the real clincher and I know that the 23rd of September is going to be a day for smiling not only because I will have completed the challenge but it’ll be two days before my holiday abroad. Peace and love to you all. Ben

Falafel butternut squash and nutmeg burger and home made ginger beer

So I’m siting in a crowded bar type place but its really beautiful. A nice ambient European style tapas bar restaurant.

Is Friday night and I’m off out for some tasty food and a few drinks. The menu here is split decided half vegetarian half meat eaters. What’s better is the drinks menu is a few bottled beers and then a gazillion different teas and coffees and lots more fresh juices mixers and home made drinks. As the title says I’m having the falafel burger and ginger beer. Dave is having a jambalaya and a guest ale. I was commented on recently that the new improved alcohol free me is much better. I am calmer and more consistent mood wise. I am more predictable and friendly. This is all good news to me. Just to note, I have seen the desert menu too and the chocolate brownies are jumping out at me.

So tonight is my only night out this weekend as I am working the other days. I am celebrating 50 days sober although its not official till Sunday but it feels like I am turning a corner. I few unexpected comments are arising. Things I didn’t expect like tonight Dave says, if you do a hundred days it won’t be worth starting again. Now when I first quit I expected him to be counting down the days to me starting again so we could go out and enjoy ourselves but I’m finding we are going out and enjoying ourselves more often anyway. The other thing that’s crept in to my head is the longer I go without it the more I sort of fear a hangover. I used to suffer with anxiety when hungover and I would spend all day wit clenched fists eating excessive amounts of food and longing for more sleep. The more I think about it the less I want to go back to that lifestyle. I expected myself initially to be strong but then wane as I slowly slid back to longing for my old friend alcohol. I’m not feeling a super power or anything but I am feeling quietly smug. Tonight is lovely so far and if the food is good I think I will be coming back. Tonight I celebrate almost 50 days sober (48) happy weekend to you all.
And my food has just arrived. So have a picture….